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American English

Posted by Paras June 16th, 2006

This helped me to improve my conversation with Americans in the United States of America.

* I don’t open conversation (on telephone) with a “Hello” but with a “Hi”
* The telephone is never “engaged”, it’s always “busy”.
* I don’t “disconnect” a phone, I simply “hang-up”.
* I never “mess-up” things, I only “screw them up”.
* I never have a “residence” tel. no., I have a “home” no.
* I don’t stop at the “signals”, but halt at the “lights”.
* I don’t “accelerate”, I “step on the gas”.
* My tire (tyre) never “punctures”, I may have a “flat”.
* The trains have “coaches” or “bogies’ no more but “carriages” or “boxes”.
* There are no “petrol pumps”, but “gas stations”.
* I no longer meet a “wonderful” person, I meet a “cool” guy
* I don’t pull the switch down to light a bulb, rather flick it up.
* I don’t “turn on the heat”, I “turn on the juice”.
* There’s no “Business Area” only “business districts”, and no “districts” but “counties”.
* No one stays “a stone’s throw away”, might be “a few blocks away”.
* There’s no “Town Side”, it’s “Down Town”.
* In restaurants I no longer ask for a “bill” and pay by “cheque”, rather ask for a “check” and pay with (Dollar) “bill”s.
* There are no “soft drinks”, only “sodas”.(”pop” in Minnesota)
* Life’s no longer “miserable” it “stinks”.
* I don’t have a “great” time, I have a “ball” or balls].
* I don’t “sweat it out”, I “work U’r butt off”.
* Never “post” a letter, always “mail” it and “glue” the stamps, don’t “stick” them.
* I no longer live in “flats” or “blocks”, find an “apartment”.
* I no longer “like” something, I “appreciate” it.
* “#” is not “hash”, it’s “pound”.
* I are not “deaf”, I have “impaired hearing”.
* I are not “lunatic”, I are just “mentally challenged”.
* I do not “Give an Exam”, I “Take” it.
* I am not “disgusting”, I am “sick”.
* I can’t get “surprised”, I get “zapped”.
* I don’t “schedule” a meeting, I “skejule” it.
* I never “joke”, I just “kid”.
* I never “increase” the pressure, I always “crank” it up.
* I never ask for a pencil rubber, I ask for an eraser.
* I don’t try to find a lift, I find an elevator.
* I no more ask for a route but for a “RAUT”
* I don’t ask somebody “How r u ?”, I say “What’s up dude?”
* I never go to see a game I go to watch a game.
* If I see “World” champions (or Series), read “USA” champions (or Series).
* There’s no “zero” but “oh”, no “Z” but “zee”.
* There’s no FULL STOP after a statement, there’s a PERIOD
* If someone gets angry at me, I get “flamed”.

In short I don’t speak English, I speak American.

Entry Filed under: Funny